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Friday, November 14, 2003

No sex please, we're FBI

An article in today's NYT describes the FBI cracking down on sex in their ranks. The best passage:
In yet another instance, a senior official and other employees went to a "Chili Cook-Off" on F.B.I. grounds dressed in drag as the Spice Girls, the British musical group. Before an audience that included numerous people from the bureau and several federal judges, the employees put on a comic skit that included numerous sex jokes, an apparent reference to oral sex and a lap dance, the inspector general said.

The senior official involved in the skit, who was also accused of making off-color remarks at other bureau and public events, was ordered to undergo nondisciplinary counseling as a result of the incidents.

I adore the phrase "and several federal judges," compounding the felony. Ditto "on FBI grounds." Any FBI man who dares mount the stage dressed as a Spice Girl and reel off sex jokes on FBI grounds in front of federal judges (several, no less) deserves to have the book hurled at him.

What exactly is "nondisciplinary counseling"? Since the "senior official" "was ordered to undergo . . . [it] as a result of the incidents," the counseling's at least formally disciplinary, i.e. a punishment meted out for bad behavior. So maybe the "nondisciplinary" aspect of the counseling inheres in its content--its lack of opprobrium, it's constructive quality, perhaps? Next time you do it, try a different skirt. For one thing, the blaze-orange comes off as loud against the fuchsia. For another, it's so short you keep flashing the audience. Remember, these are FBI grounds, and we've got judges out there!.

How things have changed. J. Edgar Hoover would have promoted those guys.

Don't you bet all Washington's wondering exactly which "senior official" this is? Apparently it's not Mueller, the Director. But I imagine that only someone no farther than the next level or two down would be characterized as "senior." And who gave and got the lap dance? I want John Ashcroft on the receiving end.

The closest thing to nondisciplinlary counseling I've experienced was when I was arrested for drunk driving in Ann Arbor many years ago and sentenced to six weekly meetings of Alcohol Education. Nobody in their right mind would take it voluntarily, so you'd be sentenced to it. Now it's a legitimate major at colleges everywhere and extremely popular. Clever move, making all the courses practicums.

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